


The Doctor is In

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Nights [37]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman (Movies - Nolan), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Batman: The Dark Prince Charming (Comics), Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Arkham Asylum, Clowns, Doctors & Physicians, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gratuitous Smut, Kidnapping, Nurses, Pizza, Psychological Torture, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Revenge, Torture, nonabusive Joker and Harley Quinn, roleplaying, wellness program
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:21:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28699830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Joker comes up with a new program to help some of the doctor's at Arkham Asylum be better at their job.
Relationships: Joker (DCU)/Harleen Quinzel
Series: Gotham Nights [37]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/551110
Comments: 17
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

Joker threw his arms out and let himself fall naked, backwards onto their bed. He didn’t bother with dressing or drying his hair after their shower. He felt exhausted and hungry. It had been a long night. 

Harley and he had just spent the last week in Arkham after Batman captured them both after they broke into the Gotham aquarium to try to steal one of the sharks. The idea was to take the shark and throw it in the new water feature that Bruce Wayne had just paid for in Peterson Park, but who knew transporting a shark was so hard?! They hadn’t even gotten the damn thing out of the water before the shark had bitten off a henchmen’s arm and then went crazy. Blood flew everywhere. 

It was hilarious! 

Sharks were just so temperamental! 

Of course that was when Batman and Robin showed up and messed everything up. 

The party poopers. 

So they ended up in Arkham for a week until Harley and he could come up with a plan to get out. Getting out of Arkham had involved killing a handful of guards, one patient and two doctors, and then Batman showed up, again. 

The chase from the island into Gotham City had been fun after they had stolen Dr. Strange’s new 2021 Porsche 911. Joker really hated to ditch that car! It was a beautiful vehicle! But after they had gotten Batman and his mini-me-wannabe off their tails, a difficult task that Harley and Joker were certain would result in the Bat finding them again, good fortune found them. 

Luckily for them Babydoll and Killer Croc had decided they were going to blow up the Percival Toys building, which diverted Batboob and his bird minion’s attention. 

Joker continued to lay spread eagle and naked on the bed as Harley came out of the bathroom towel drying her hair. She was naked too, her skin a rosy pink from the hot shower. Joker sat up on his elbows so he could watch her walk across the room to her dresser, tossing the damp towel over her shoulder while she pulled open a drawer to look for some panties and a sports bra. 

Moving slowly, Joker got to his feet and tiptoed across the room. Harley was humming under her breath, occasionally murmuring the words to whatever song it was she was singing. When Joker was behind her, he very lightly patted her bare rear and murmured with a giggle in his voice. 

“Patty bottom…” 

Harley yelped in surprise and spun around. “Puddin!” 

Joker snickered. “Hi!” 

Rolling her eyes but smiling a little, Harley groaned. “Will you get dressed? Frost is going to be here any time with our food and you don’t want to eat naked.” 

“Maybe I do, you don’t know that.” Joker stuck his bottom lip out, but Harley only turned around and ignored him, pulling out a pair of dark emerald panties with a matching sports bra. “I do too know you don’t because the first time you drop a hot pepperoni on your penis, you’re gonna wish you’d listened to me and put on some pants.” She turned around to walk past him to her closet (which was a portable closet of her own since the closet that was in the room was stuffed full of Joker’s outfits) and pulled out a pair of pink sweatpants and a long sleeved purple halter top sweater that had cut-outs on the shoulders. Once she was dressed Harley walked back into the bathroom; a few seconds later Joker heard the hair dryer come on. 

He pouted for another couple of seconds, but then frowned. “She’s right, a hot pepperoni on my Prince Everhard of the Netherlands would not be funny at all. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn’t put Prince Everhard back together again after that...” He giggled and yelled. “Harls!! Would you put aloe on my penis if I dropped a hot pepperoni on it??” 

Harley yelled back. “Don’t get hurt in the first place puddin…” 

Joker frowned then sighed. “Okay, no eating pizza naked.” He pulled out his own drawer and grabbed a pair of purple and green boxers, which he quickly pulled on. 

* 

Frost, followed by a daintily dressed Bob--his light pink tutu and the frilly top hat fascinator he wore angled jauntily to the side of his head--came in with several boxes of pizza and a bottle of wine. 

“Congrats on escaping!” Frost said as Harley opened the door for them. 

Joker grinned, hurrying over to help with the pizza boxes, taking the boxes that Bob was carrying (Frost had ordered enough pizza to feed at least a dozen people, but he knew Joker loved cold pizza, so leftovers were always a good idea.) “Thank you Frost, Bob. Did you guys miss us?” He looked behind them and frowned. “Where’s Archie?” 

Frost smiled, handing Harley a bottle of wine. “Sure did Boss, it was way too quiet around here and Archie couldn’t make it, he said he was going down to the river to try and drown himself again, but he did say he might be by later if that failed.” 

Laughing Joker shook his head. “Archie, he is so funny!” 

Bob came up and gave Joker a quick hug from behind, lifting him off his feet, almost causing the clown to drop the pizza boxes he had taken from the tutu wearing man. 

“Missed you too Bob.” Joker laughed letting Bob hug him before the big man moved on to Harlye who he grabbed and lifted off her feet. Harley squealed and laughed hugging Bob back. “Missed you too Bob!” 

Frost set his boxes down and flipped them open as Joker joined him with a sigh of pleasure as he popped open his own box. “I’m starved! Arkham has the worst food.” 

Harley grabbed wine glasses and a corkscrew from their little kitchen, and hurried over to set them down on the table. “I think it’s gotten worse lately. We should kill the cook next time we're there puddin. No one should eat that slop, not even Croc.” 

Laughing, Joker added. “And Croc will eat anything!” 

Joker nodded picking up the bottle of wine and the corkscrew he proceeded to open the bottle while Bob fetched the plates. “Agreed pumpkin, it's like the doctors...they’ve gotten worse too, I think.” 

Harley nodded as she sat down at the table between Joker and Bob. She and Bob started putting slices of hot, cheesy pizza on plates while Joker popped the cork with a grin. “Argreed puddin. They seem to be going backwards in my professional opinion, relying way too much on medication and then resorting to old fashion techniques like shock therapy, isolation, trephination, insulin coma, and metrazol therapy, even lobotomy...It’s down right medieval. I mean, I am shocked they are getting away with all that, but I suppose no one cares about the criminally insane here in Gotham…” She shook her head holding out her glass for Joker to fill. 

He nodded his agreement while he filled the glass before he stopped, his blue eyes going wide. 

Harley lifted her eyebrows. She knew that look. “Puddin, what are you thinking about?” she asked cautiously. 

“I’ve just had a great idea!” Joker announced his eyes bright. Harley could almost see the wheels turning in his head. 

Taking a large gulp of her wine, Harley asked, “What’s this idea and does it requiring going back to Arkham, because I’m going to tell you puddin, I don’t want to go back anytime soon.” 

“No, we don’t have to go back to Arkham,” he assured her, reaching over to cup the back of her head so he could kiss the top of her hair. 

“I’d never do that to you sweets.” He smiled down at her and caressed her jaw. Harley gazed up loving at him and smiled. “So what’s this idea?” she asked hesitantly. 

Joker grinned while he filled Frost’s glass with wine. “Well, the doctors at Arkham need help, wouldn’t you agree sweets?” 

Harley cautiously nodded. “Yes.” She glanced at Frost who shrugged having no idea where this was going. 

“Well, I think we should offer a select few the opportunity to participate in a new wellness program…” 

“Wellness program?” she asked, picking up her slice of pizza that Bob had placed on her plate. 

Joker nodded while filling up Bob’s glass. “Yes. There are a couple of doctors who I can think of that really need our assistance. We could pick them up at their homes. Making house calls is one of many services that we’ll be offering at the Ha-Asylum of Laughter. It’ll be for their benefit.” Joker set the wine bottle down after filling his own glass. “Because a team of clown professionals…” He picked up his slice and pizza, using it to gesture between himself and Harley. “Will be there to help these terribly dull normie doctors break free of their mundane thoughts and the daily drudgery that influences the way they deal with patients.” He took a large bite of his pizza, chewing contemplatively while everyone else waited for him to continue. He swallowed with a smirk. 

“We’ll provide them with a new neuro-vision!” He grinned while trying to keep a straight face, but Harley could see he was just barely holding back his mirth. “We’ll offer to teach them and well as letting them experience this new vision. A once in a life-time experience!” He gestured grandly with one hand while holding his slice of pizza with the other. “Then, we’ll drop them off at Arkham Asylum--the ones who survive--to spread the news of this new program.” 

Harley tilted her head to the side as she considered Joker’s idea. “Which doctors are you thinking, because I have some ideas puddin,” she said with a hint of a growl in her tone. 

“Well my sweet pumpkin pie, I think you should choose, since you are the only true doctor among our little group here, though I would like to include Dr. Bartholomew Wolper. That guy really gets under my skin,” Joker muttered, annoyance and maybe a little anger in his tone. Harley knew who he was talking about; Wolper was a condescending psychologist at Arkham, fairly new. He’d been there for the last couple of years, who not only thought highly of himself, but he’d also got it in his head that he had a special patient-doctor relationship with Joker. The man was all about fame. He’d written books about Joker, convinced that only he could cure the Clown Prince of Crime. 

Harley’s smile was vicious--all teeth and no humor. “He’s perfect puddin.” 

Joker smirked at her before he motioned for her to continue. “So who would you choose, my little minx?” 

Harley chewed on a bite of pizza as she thought about the doctors as the asylum. There were so many that could benefit from a new perspective on patient care. “Mm, Dr. Stephen Kellerman, Dr. Charles Nigaff, and Dr. Betty Meredith,” she said after she swallowed. 

Joker sipped his wine with a snicker. “Well that was fast.” 

Shrugging Harley sipped her own wine. “Dr. Nigaff keeps looking at my ass…” 

The growl that came from Joker when she said that Nigaff had been looking at her ass made Harley smile as she continued. “Dr. Kellerman talked to me as if I was a toddler, even after I told him I had a degree and was a doctor, and Dr. Meredith threatened to shave my head and told me that I was an insult to women and professional women everywhere.” Harley narrowed her eyes. 

“She also called me a whore and tried to make me take Haloperidol, claiming I had bipolar disorder which I told her was bullshit, and then I punched her in the boob.” 

Joker burst out laughing, almost spraying wine all over himself. “What? Is that why they had you in solitary??” 

Harley grinned with a nonchalant shrug. “Yeah, I might have also knocked one of her teeth out, but it really annoys me when someone diagnoses me like that. So unprofessional.” She stood up, wanted to go to the kitchen to grab a paper towel for her fingers when Joker quickly reached out and patted her bottom with a giggle. “Patty bottom!” 

Harley turned to glare over her shoulder at him. “No patty bottom.” 

“But Harls, it’s my favorite game!” Joker whined just a little. “You have the perfect ass for patty bottom...so round and firm...” He grinned at her and fluttered his eyelashes at her. 

Harley groaned and rolled her eyes, but she smiled. “Fine.” 

He giggled and gave her bottom another quick pat before he let her go. When she returned to the table with her paper towels, Joker reached over and grabbed Harley’s chair under the seat, yanking her closer. He cupped the side of her neck, pulling her in for a soft, tender kiss that quickly began to turn more passionate. Harley reached out and grabbed Joker by the back of his head, her fingers digging into his green hair, kissing him a little harder until Frost had to clear his throat loudly to get them to stop. 

Bob looked over at Frost, clearly amused, but Joker and Harley stopped, both of them looking a little breathless. Joker brushed his nose against hers, his eyes twinkling with pleasure. “We’ll pick up that conversation later toots.” 

Harley giggled catching his sharp chin in her hand and licked his mouth. “You bet puddin.” 

Turning back to Frost and Bob, Joker grinned. “So, who shall we pick up first?” 

* 

Dr. Bartholomew Wolper was a man of average height, with a head of thick, black (dyed) curling hair and a thick black mustache that he took great care in combing and treating with the best conditioners that money could buy. He lived in a nice apartment in the Coventry section of Gotham so that he was close to the asylum. Living this close also looked good for whenever he was doing an interview in his apartment as part of a book promotion. The apartment wasn’t huge; even with the money he made from the sale of his books wasn’t enough to afford a high-end apartment in Gotham, but the apartment was nicer than most doctors who worked at Arkham could afford. The place was his pride and joy. He’d spent a great deal of money on decorating it, paying some of the best Gotham City interior decorators to come in and make the place look magazine perfect. The only room in the apartment that wasn’t professionally decorated was his bedroom. That room was what Wolper called his “Pleasure Chamber,'' where he had a large bed with thick posts that could support the chains he had drilled into them and the ceiling had been reinforced to hold the mirror on the ceiling above the bed. The walls in this room were painted red with one entire wall that was mirrored panels, there were metal rings that hung from the ceiling for the leather swing he had stored in the closet along with the ball gag, the whips, and the chains, all of which were stored in the closet for use with certain patients--and a few occasional acquaintances--who he saw outside of the asylum. 

Tonight though, Wolper was alone and drinking heavily. Two nights ago, Joker and his paramour Harley Quinn had escaped Arkham and with them went the opportunity for his newest book. He’d been so excited when Batman had brought them in, though his main focus was on Joker. 

He had plans to cure the clown, then make a tour of the talk show circuit to discuss how he had cured the incurable! The money that would have rolled in!! 

But after a week, he’d made little progress with Joker, who had answered all his questions with jokes or singing, and when they’d escaped, all his plans had blown up in his face. Granted, Batman might bring them back...eventually, but patience was not one of Bartholomew’s virtues. 

He sat on his couch drinking beer and watching porn, wondering if he could get a book and some talk show interviews out of working with Two-Face when he heard a knock at his door. Bartholomew turned to glare at his door. He wasn’t expecting anyone, and the only way into the building was to be buzzed in, and besides, it was almost midnight. He had just decided to ignore whoever it was, thinking someone had just come to the wrong apartment when the knock came again. 

He glared at the door. 

There was another knock. 

Sighing, he picked up his remote and paused the porn before he walked over to the door to look through the peephole only to frown a little deeper. On the other side he could see a pretty blonde who looked slightly familiar, but at the moment he couldn’t place her... 

She was smiling brightly, her hair pulled up in ponytails and while it was difficult to focus, Bartholomew thought she looked to be wearing a schoolgirl outfit. The blonde, as if sensing that he was looking through the peephole at her, said with a grin. 

“Dr. Bartholomew Wolper? I have a strippergram for a Dr. Bartholomew Wolper!” Her voice was a pleasant sing song. 

Wolper smirked. Now who would be sending him a strippergram? Not that he was complaining, fuck he didn’t even know they had those in Gotham, he figured that sort of thing only happened in Las Vegas or in movies, but he decided he didn’t care why, only that the stripper was here! Thinking he might see if he could pay her extra for a little sucking off, Wolper unlocked the door and pulled it open with a grin on his lips. 

“Come on in…” he started then stopped, his eyes going wide in shock as he saw the young blonde woman, who was dressed in a tight white shirt with a black tie and a tight red sweater vest that showed off her ample bosom, along with a little black pleated skirt with a white ruffle along the bottom. She wore a pair of red and white stockings held in place with a black garter belt, and little black mary jane shoes. Her outfit hit a lot of his kinks, but he was only able to appreciate her outfit for a breath before he saw that she wasn’t alone. Standing behind her were three men, one dressed in a red and black tutu along with a hairband that had a pair of heart shaped boppers on top of his bald head, and a tall man in a smart black suit with a red tie, but what put a cold spike of fear in his heart was the Joker who stood beside the blonde bombshell, grinning from ear to ear with that too wide smile of his. 

Wolper blinked. It was the Joker. Joker, dressed in heeled, pointed toe purple ankle boots, purple and black striped slacks, a white vest and green shirt with a black vest and purple tails jacket, his green hair slicked back except for one green curl that fell over his forehead. And though he grinned broadly, Wolper saw something else glittering in the mad clown’s bright eyes. 

“Dr. Wolper!! How nice to see you!” Joker called out while he motioned with a pair of purple gloved fingers. The big man moved far too quickly for a man of his size. Dr. Wolper stumbled back, but already it was too late. Bursting into his apartment and grabbing him swiftly before Bartholomew could utter a single syllable of protest, the big man had him locked in his strong arms. 

Following the big tutu wearing man, Joker and Harley swept in along with Frost, who closed the door after giving the hallway a quick inspection to make sure no one had heard or seen them. 

Wolper tried to protest, tried to call for help, tried anything to stop whatever was happening to him, but while Joker began to talk, the big man in the tutu rolled Wolper over onto the couch, pressing his face into the cushions after gagging him roughly with a cloth that tasted like burned toast and blood. The big man proceeded to force Wolper into a straight jacket while Wolper’s face was pressed into the couch cushions. Wolper struggled against the big man’s grip, but it was useless. The big, bald man maneuvered him into the jacket like he was a doll, his struggles doing nothing to slow the man down. 

Dr. Wolper started to cry, especially when he saw Joker and Harley walking toward him. 

“Now, I bet you’re wondering, Dr. Wolper, why on earth are you being visited by Joker and the infamous Harley Quinn?” Joker asked with a grin. Wolper made muffled sounds as he struggled to look up at Joker. 

Harley waved her fingers at Dr. Wolper. “A pleasure I’m sure.” 

Joker chuckled, putting his arm around her waist, but not before giving her a once over with his eyes. His gaze was filled with lust and heat. “Have I ever told you how much I like the school girl look on you Harls?” Joker asked with a sexy grin. “Especially that skirt!” He mocked growled at her and waggled his green eyebrows. 

“I knew you would like it puddin.” Harley giggled in response, bumping her hip against his. 

Joker laughed. “Well, I do pumpkin, very sexy. I’ll have to be the sexy teacher...” He murmured, lightly touching the tip of her nose in a playful gesture. “...and you’ll have to come to my office to talk about your poor grade. I might even have to give you a spanking!” He purred sexily at her, his smile sensual and playful at the same time. 

Harley giggled with delight while Joker turned his attention back to their captive. 

“Well, that fun is for later. Right now, Bartholomew, can I call you Bartholomew? I mean I feel like we’ve reached that level of intimacy that we can use each other's first names.” Joker walked over to stand in front of the couch, pulling Harley along with him before he let her go and dropped into a crouch next to Wolper’s face so that the man could see him more clearly from his position face down on the couch, his arms bound behind his back. 

Wolper stared at Joker while he struggled to breathe because the moment the straps of the straightjacket were secure, the big man sat on him. Between the big man’s weight and the gag in his mouth, Wolper found breathing to be difficult. 

Joker grinned wide at Wolper as he rested his arms on his knees, tilting his head in a way that the doctor found creepy as the clown smiled at him. “You, my friend, are going to be part of a wondrous experiment!!” He grinned just a little wider, which Bartholomew thought should be impossible. It was frightening watching the way Joker’s smile seemed to stretch across his pale face. His blue eyes looked bright, too bright, like looking into the eyes of a demon Wolper thought as his stomach roiled with fear. 

“You, Dr. Wolper, have been chosen to be part of our wellness program, a new program that Harley, who will be our resident doctor, and I, as the mastermind of the plan, will be conducting. You, my darling, have won the lottery, so to speak!” He chuckled, reaching out to pat Wolper’s cheek. “This wellness program will be all about showing you and the others, not just how dull being a normie is, hustling around at the asylum, pretending that you care about your patients, that you want to cure them when we all know you just want that next book deal, or you want to play God. Now though, you’ll get to see how you and the others have been handling patient care all wrong this entire time.” Joker glanced over at Harley who had popped a piece of bubble gum into her mouth and was blowing bubbles along with Bob who was happily sharing the gum with her. “Isn’t that right pumpkin?” 

“That’s right Mistah J!” Harley dropped down into a crouch next to Joker, popping a bubble as she did so. “You and the other doctors are going to get a lesson tonight.” She smiled, blowing a large pink bubble. “A lesson in proper patient care--or at least why you shouldn’t be such assholes.” 

Joker giggled, reached over and patted Wolper’s cheek once more. “Now won’t that be fun?!” he asked, his smile widening until all Wolper could see was Joker’s straight white teeth that caught all the light in the room. 

Standing up, Joker motioned to Bob who stood. The relief of having the big man off of him was quickly lost as Wolper felt himself hauled up and thrown over the big man’s shoulder. 

“All right darling, let’s go. We have three more stops tonight! We have lives to change!!” Joker announced as he marched out of the apartment, his hand in Harley’s hand as she skipped along beside her lover. Bob followed next with a struggling Dr. Wolper while Frost took up the rear. He brought the apartment door closed quietly. No one looked out of their apartment; either they had heard nothing or they simply didn’t care to get involved. 

* 

Over the next couple of hours, Joker and Harley stopped to pick up Charles Nigaff who lived in a nice, simple ranch-style home just inside Bludhaven with his wife. (Grabbing him was the easiest. When Frost pulled the SUV up to the house, they saw Nigaff as he was pulling his trash cans down the driveway to the curb. Harley, in her excitement and anger at seeing the man who constantly ogled her, leapt out of the SUV the moment Frost stopped, her baseball bat in hand. Joker watched her gleefully as Harley raced over to the doctor without uttering a word and smashed her baseball bat across the man’s face just as he turned to look at her. The man spun in comical fashion before falling like a lump to the concrete. Bob hopped out, gagged and straightjacketed the unconscious doctor in record time before dumping him in the back with a conscious Wolper who started to make muffled yells at the sight of the other, now bloody man.) Frost pulled away, leaving 

Dr. Nigaff’s trash cans dumped over, trash strewn everywhere. Stephan Kellerman, an arrogant doctor who saw himself as the next Sigmund Freud (even if Freud’s methods and theories were seen as problematic now), who had an apartment in the upper east side of Gotham, was next. Unlike Wolper, his apartment wasn’t fancy or paid for by book deals. 

Frost had parked across the street from the apartment building and Harley looked out the window at the apartment building. Unlike with Wolper’s building, they didn’t need to try to be buzzed in. “So, same strategy as when we got Wolper?” Harley asked before she turned around to look over her shoulder at Joker. Joker was about to answer yes, even though it was boring when they all saw a green AMC Gremlin pull up across the street from them and park in front of Kellerman’s building with a Gotham’s Finest Pizza Planet logo sign that was nearly bigger than the car, on its roof. The sign glowed brightly in the dark, announcing that they delivered ‘24hrs a day.’ 

Joker grinned brightly at the sight of the car. “I wonder...Harley, Bob and I will handle this one!” he announced before hopping out of the car. Bob followed and Harley pressed her face to the glass to see what Joker was going to do. 

* 

Joey flipped through his little notebook where he kept the addresses and the orders for his deliveries written down. Quickly scanning his notes to make sure he was at the correct address, Joey snorted when he saw the name again, a Dr. Kellerman, four pepperoni pizzas with extra cheese and a side of garlic butter. He’d heard from Jessica that Kellerman wasn’t a good tipper; he’d only given her a dollar last weekend for a similar delivery when she’d arrived with his pizzas, pizzas he’d ordered at three in the morning! Most people who used the Gotham Pizza Planet’s twenty-four hour delivery service gave really good tips because being able to get hot, fresh made pizza at any time of the day was a treat, but guys like Dr. Kellerman acted as if they were owed such services, probably because the fucker had a doctor in front of his name. 

Shaking his head in frustration, Joey started to get out of the car when he was startled by a knock on his window. He jumped a foot before turning around to see a ghost white face with a wide red smile staring through the glass at him. Joey’s scream caught in his throat where it died. 

“Helloooo!!” Joker rapped his knuckle against the glass again, his smile never faltering. “Pizza boy? My friend...” Joker gestured behind him with his thumb where Joey saw a large man wearing a tutu and a bouncy heart headband who waved at him. “...and I, we’d like to know if you are delivering pizza to one Dr. Stephen Kellerman?” 

For only a moment Joey thought about lying, but just as swiftly rejected the idea because he didn’t owe this Dr. Kellerman shit! The man was a horrible tipper and while that really wasn’t a reason to let the Joker (Joey had known it was the Joker the moment he saw the white face and green hair) possibly kill Dr. Kellerman, Joey didn’t see any reason to put his life on the line for the man, though he wasn’t sure he was going to have a choice about his life being forfeit or not. 

“Yes?” Joey said, his voice steady, which surprised him. 

Joker chuckled. “Wonderful! Why don’t you just hand that pizza to me and my friend and we’ll make sure he gets it.” Joker tilted his head to the side and wrinkled his nose playfully at Joey, his smile widening a little more. 

Joey froze. To give Joker the pizza, he would have to get out of the car, though he wasn’t so stupid to think that staying in his Gremlin was enough to save his ass from the Joker, but being in the car made him feel as if there was a level of security between him and the clown. 

Joker knocked on the window again. “Come on darling, I don’t have all night and you really don’t want me to come in there after you.” Joker’s voice dropped an octave, becoming just slightly sinister, his smile faltering just enough to make the ice in Joey’s blood become colder. “Believe me darling, you don’t want me to come in there after you.” Nodding quickly Joey reached for the car door handle. Joker stepped out of the way, his smile becoming brighter. Joey practically fell out of the car onto the street causing Joker to laugh, but then he quickly scrambled to his feet, giving Joker and the strange man in the tutu who grinned at him a quick look before he rushed to the back of his car. For a few seconds Joey fumbled with his keys, nearly dropping them with Joker and Bob walked around to join him. After a few seconds Joey got the keys into the hatch keyhole and flung it open. 

Stacked in the small trunk of the car were several boxes of pizza. When the kid opened the back the scent burst out, washing over the three of them, the scent of sauce, fresh baked crust, and melted cheese. 

Joker grinned patting Joey on the back, startling the young man so much that he almost wet himself. “Perfect!” Joker selected one of the pizza boxes, but Joey said with a shaking voice. “Ah, that’s not his order…” In his next breath Joey wanted to smack himself in the forehead. Why did he say that, why did it matter? 

“Oh well, we wouldn’t want our dear Dr. Kellerman to get the wrong pizza now would we?” Joker grinned at the young man and pinched his cheek, and again, Joey almost wet himself, but somehow he kept a hold of his bladder. “You are such a good boy aren’t you? Well, why don’t you pick out the correct one for us...ah...what’s your name darling?” Joker purred at the young man who stuttered. “Jj...aa...Joo...Joey...sir...” Joey stared at Joker before he turned and grabbed the correct pizza box. 

“Thank you Joey. Now, how much would Dr. Kellerman tip you?” Joker asked with a smile as he took the pizza box from the younger man. 

“Ah, well...I don’t know really, but he ain’t a good tipper according to Jessica,” Joey said with a shrug. 

“Well, I’m sure Jessica isn’t lying. Dr. Kellerman is a bit of a tight wad with his patients too.” Joker turned his attention to Bob. “Bob, be a dear and tip Joey here.” 

Joey spun around to stare at the large man who came over to Joey. Before Joey could properly react, the big man gagged him, tied him up, and within seconds, had stuffed Joey back in his car, right behind the wheel. 

Joey didn’t struggle, didn’t do much of anything as he was positioned behind the wheel of his car trussed up like a Christmas turkey. Once he was in place Joker handed off the pizza to Bob and came to lean against the door, looking in at Joey. 

“Well Joey, here is a tip for you, never talk to strange clowns, it’ll never end well.” Joker laughed before reaching in to pat Joey on the head. “Oh, don’t look so scared darling, I’m not going to kill you or anything. It wouldn’t really be all that funny now would it?” Joker grinned and stepped away before he gestured at Bob. “Bob, be a dear and give the boy a more substantial tip would you?” 

Joker smiled and stepped out of the way while Bob came over and produced a couple of hundred dollar bills (from where Joey couldn’t determine) and stuffed them down the front of Joey’s shirt before locking and closing Joey’s car door. 

As Joker and Bob walked around the front of the car, Joker waved at Joey’s terrified face on the other side of the windshield. Joey watched them as he walked into the building, only after the clown and his sidekick disappeared did Joey finally let go of his bladder. 

* 

The buzzer at Kellerman’s door buzzed, followed by someone on the other side calling out. “Land Shark!” 

“Someone thinks they’re a fucking comedian,” Kellerman muttered with annoyance as he got to his feet from where he’d been sitting on his couch watching some old monster movie, papers from work spread out on his coffee table. “I swear these guys get later and later…” He continued to mutter as he dug out the cash to pay for the pizza, without a tip. He wasn’t paying extra for tardiness or bad jokes. He yanked open the door to his apartment, ready to tell them that the land shark shit wasn’t funny when he saw the Joker and some other man in a tutu standing outside his door holding his pizza. 

“Evening doc!” Joker laughed. 

Kellerman started to slam the door shut, but the man in the tutu grabbed the door with his large, beefy hand and shoved the door back, hitting Kellerman in the face with it. The shock and the pain of the door slamming against his nose sent Kellerman stumbling backwards into his apartment, the big tutu wearing man rushing in after him (but not before handing the pizza box to Joker.) Joker chuckled, walking into the apartment more slowly, shutting the door closed behind him. 

While Bob set about gagging and putting Kellerman into his straightjacket, Joker sat down on the table next to the door and opened the pizza box. He was about to grab a slice of the pizza when his nose wrinkled in disgust. 

“You put anchovies on your pizza?” He glanced over to the doctor who was struggling with Bob, but was clearly no match for the large man. “That is the single most disgusting thing I have ever seen! Who does that??” Joker shook his head and tossed the pizza, box and all, aside, dumping them on the floor before he walked over to crouch in front of Kellerman. 

“You need our wellness clinic more than any man I’ve ever seen.” Joker tsked in disgust before he stood up. “All right Bob, let’s get this poor man the help he needs.” 

Bob lifted the gagged and jacketed Dr. Kellerman up and tossed him over his shoulder, following Joker out of the apartment. 

* 

Frost was heading into Old Gotham, their last stop for the night before heading back to start their wellness program to pick up Dr. Betty Meredith. 

“I really think we should drop the others off puddin, I don’t think we can fit another one in the trunk.” Harley looked back at the trunk of the SUV with a frown. The three doctors they had collected all had their mouths gagged and were trussed up like turkeys in their straightjackets, lying next to--and partly on top of--each other. Nigaff was still unconscious, but the other two were struggling and grunting. Harley frowned at them and used her bat to poke them. “Be quiet, geez!” 

“Pffft.” Joker stuck his tongue out though he did look behind them with a frown. “Nah, they’ll be fine Harley, they’ll stack. Think of it like playing Tetris!” 

Harley wrinkled her nose, but shrugged; their comfort really wasn’t her concern. “I do like Tetris,” she murmured then grinned, her light blue eyes twinkling with an idea. “Puddin, we should play hench people Tetris!” 

Joker turned to look at Harley while Frost was finding them some place to park near the last doctor’s apartment building, a spot that would allow them to enter and exit freely (exit being the most important part since they would be carrying a body with them later.) 

“Harley! That’s an excellent idea! It’d be like those giant chest boards that rich people in movies put on their lawns, where they use real people as the chest pieces! Yes...” He snickered and rubbed his hands together in classic villain style. “It might get messy with having to bend body parts into unnatural positions, but it could be so much fun!” Joker snickered again, then stopped as another idea occurred to him. “But Harley, I have an even better idea than using the hench people...” 

Harley giggled, reaching out to rub his thigh which made him shiver in the best way possible. “What is it puddin?” 

“Next week Mayor Hill is having a fundraiser for his reelection campaign, we’ll just go to the party and use all of them to play live action Tetris! It’ll be great fun! Besides, those stuck-ups will be bored to tears at some fancy party, so we’d be doing them a service! Bringing a little humor into their dull, stupid party!” He nodded, his smile snarky as he chuckled. “A real humanitarian effort on our part, if you ask me.” 

Harley laughed adding. “Batman would love it puddin!” 

“I know! Wouldn’t he?” Joker pulled Harley close, his arm around her shoulders. “I don’t think Batman appreciates how much good we do here in Gotham.” He sighed dramatically. “It’s that stick he’s got up his ass, it's so far up there...really...really far.” Joker illustrated by using his fingers to thrust upward. “...that I think even a proctologist couldn’t get it out.” 

Harley laughed brightly as Frost pulled up to the last building of the night. 

* 

Dr. Betty Meredith lived alone, at least she did now after her husband kicked her out for her affair with Dr. Hugo Strange. She had tried to tell him that the affair had meant nothing, it had simply been about fulfilling a physical need, there had been no emotional attachment, but Danny had refused to be a grown up about the entire thing and had kicked her out. She had received divorce papers from Danny’s lawyer just today, which was why she was drinking a little too much wine and had ordered herself a male escort for the night, though he had yet to show up. The escort wasn’t late, but she felt anxious, wound up tight, and needed to let off some steam. 

When the knock came, she raced to the door and flung it open, only to stare in surprise when she saw Harley Quinn and the Joker standing in her doorway with two other men standing behind them. 

Harley grinned brightly at her, a baseball bat resting on her shoulder. 

“Hey Dr. Meredith, remember me?” Harley asked brightly. 

Meredith’s mouth moved up and down without a word coming out. She did remember the last time she had dealt with Miss Quinn, she even remembered what she had said, but before she could form any kind of response, Harley Quinn used the endcap of the bat to smack Dr. Meredith in the nose. Betty stumbled back, the shock of the pain made her see stars and her eyes watered. She tripped over the edge of her throw rug and fell backwards, her head hitting the floor hard. 

The last thing Dr. Meredith heard before she passed out was Joker laughing. 

“Right in the kisser Harls!! Fantastic!”


	2. Mental Well-Being

The loud clunk of large overhead track lighting coming on startled the four doctors who all jumped in their seats and looked around the room in confusion. Each one of them was still in a straitjacket, but their gags were gone and they were all tied to chairs, simple chairs of the sort that would be found in any doctor’s waiting room. 

The last thing any of them remembered was either their kidnapping or the moment that Joker had sprayed a cloud of green mist into their faces that smelled like cotton candy and fried cakes, knocking them out in the trunk of an SUV. 

But now they were in a mostly empty warehouse, (though it was hard to tell as not every part of the warehouse was lit up, leaving several areas of thick shadows) except for the section where they were located. The majority of the lights were shining down on them, but there was enough light in the rest of the warehouse that the four of them could look around. This area in which the four of them sat tied to waiting room chairs, had a simple, dark blue square of carpet. On their right was a typical, office medical bed and a simple desk with a laptop computer resting on it. There were some simple pieces of medical equipment, an IV stand, a blood pressure cuff on the exam table, and a few miscellaneous items like a box of rubber gloves, a box of band aids, and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide. As the four doctors took in the details of the space, they could see some other people milling around at the edges of the warehouse, their voices low whispers, wearing various types of clown makeup and all wearing nurse’s scrubs. Most of them seemed to be involved in a card game and none of them were playing any attention to the four tied up doctors. 

Dr. Nigaff--a nasty bruise which was changing colors along his left cheek, along with dried blood staining his lips and chin where his lip was split--muttered, his voice surly despite the situation he found himself in. He wiggled his shoulders back and forth as he struggled for a few seconds. 

“What the fuck is this?” 

Dr. Meredith, her nose clearly broken and swelling with nasty dark bruises forming under her eyes and dried blood on her lips, glared at Nigaff. 

When she spoke, her voice sounded muffled and stuffy. “Shh, you want them to hear you?” 

Dr. Wolper muttered, glaring at the only woman of their group. “I don’t think it fucking matters Betty, you stupid bitch.” 

“Don’t call me a stupid bitch you, you stupid perverted asshole,” Meredith hissed back. 

“Who are you calling perverted?” Wolper glared at Betty who glared right back. If looks could kill the two of them would have easily killed each other. 

Kellerman groaned and rolled his eyes. “Can you three act like professionals?” 

Nigaff snorted. “Oh, that’s rich coming from you Kellerman. You’re as big as a piece of shit as…” 

A sensual voice broke through their arguing. “Oh now children, is that any way to act while you wait for the doctor?” 

All four of them turned to see the Joker standing in the doorway that led into the warehouse. Once their attention was on him, Joker began to walk sensually into the room, gliding along, making sure to sway his hips. He held his hands on his waist as he moved as if he was a fashion model on the runway showing off the lastest designs. 

He was dressed in a red nurse’s uniform dress with a pair of sheer, red stockings on his long, slender legs. The stockings were held up by a red garter belt and he wore a pair of red kitten heeled shoes. His green hair was slicked back with a red nurses cap on his head and fake, long, green lashes on his eyes. He grinned brightly as he walked, his lips the same shade of red as his dress. Behind him came a man wearing a black suit and red tie (the most normal looking person in the room), followed by a large man wearing a white and red nurses getup with a white tulle tutu and a big red cross on his chest, a little red and white nurses cap somehow attached to his bald head. 

Joker came to a stop in front of the four doctors. He smiled and batted his fake eyelashes at them. his hands still on his hips as he struck a model worthy pose. 

“Now, the doctor is almost ready to see you,” he purred, cocking his hip in what the captive doctors had to assume was intended to be a seductive pose. “Let me introduce the staff. This is Frost…” Joker gestured at Frost who simply gave a quick nod of his head, but also made sure to flip his suit jacket open so that the doctors could see the guns he carried. “...the head of our security and this…” He gestured at Bob. “...is my assistant nurse, Bob.” Bob curtsied. 

Joker chuckled pleasantly, turning his attention back to his captives. “And I am the head nurse, Nurse Joker.” He grinned at them all, once more fluttering his eyelashes. “The doctor will be with us momentarily.” 

“I demand to know why we’re here!” Wolper yelled, drawing the attention of the minions (that was who they had to be Wolper reasoned) who had stopped playing cards. “What are you going to do with us Joker?” 

“Me?” Joker asked, putting his hand to his chest in shock while his tone started low and went higher in indignation. “Why, I’m not going to do anything with you--the doctor is.” He smirked at the four of them. 

Meredith asked, her eyes narrowed. “Who is the doctor?” 

They all turned to the right at the sound of a door being opened and watched as a young woman holding a clipboard began walking across the empty warehouse floor. The heels she wore made a sharp click-clack against the cement flooring. As she approached the assembled captives and the ‘nursing staff’ they could see that she had blonde hair pulled back in a bun at the nape of her neck, and a pair of thick, black framed glasses on the tip of her nose. The woman walking toward them wore a short, black pencil skirt with black fishnets, the hint of a garter belt just showing from under the skirt. Her heels were stilettos, black and shiny, and she wore a blood red blouse with a white doctor's coat over her outfit. Her lips were painted black while her eye makeup had sweeping cateye lines that made her look both sexy and serious. 

Joker made a little squeal of joy when he saw her, but he said nothing, instead simply watched her, clearly smitten with the doctor, though he whispered loudly to the captive doctors. “You think she’ll notice me? I dressed up real nice so the doctor would notice me!” 

The four exchanged looks among themselves, having no idea how to answer the clown. 

When she was close enough that they could all see her face, it was Dr. Nigaff who recognized her first. “Harley Quinn?” he said. His tone conveyed his confusion as if he wasn’t quite sure that his guess was correct. 

The young woman glared at him from over the top of her glasses. “The name is Dr. Harleen Quinzel, thank you very much, and you will address me as Dr. Quinzel.” 

“You had your title revoked when you ran off with that...that...sick, psychotic clown,” Dr. Meredith spat. 

Harleen smirked at her. “You’ll find that I in fact did not have my degree or license revoked…” She chuckled. “...guess they never got around to it. And besides, it doesn’t matter since this is my clinic and you four are now under my care.” 

Kellerman asked, whose voice had only a little tremor in it. “So, what are you going to do?” 

He wasn’t able to finish his question because Joker held up a hand to stop Kellerman from speaking and walked quickly over to Harleen. “Stop…” 

He grinned at Harleen, his eyes raking over her slowly. He bit the side of his bottom lip, his expression one of pure want. “Doctor Quinzel, I need a quick exam. I feel these heart palpitations coming on...it might be serious...and...” He looked around as if he was trying to make sure no one was listening while at the same time squeaking in a loud stage whisper. “...there’s this strange swelling between my legs. I really think you need to have a look.” 

Harley blushed and giggled. “Puddin, we’re a little busy right now...” 

“But pumpkin please….” He motioned at her outfit as if that was all the explanation he needed. 

Harley giggled and shrugged, her smile tugging at her black painted lips. “You are incorrigible.” 

Handing her clipboard to Frost, Harley took Joker by the hand. “I’ll be right back to work with my patients. If you’ll keep an eye on them Frost...” She smiled at Bob. “...and Nurse Bob?” 

That was when the door from which Harley had entered opened again, everyone turning to watch as a short man, dressed in a white and pale pink polka dot clown outfit, smoking a cigar, and wearing a pointed white clown hat, decorated with three pom poms down the front, came walking in. 

“Sorry I’m late,” he muttered as he came closer. “I couldn’t find a fucking nurses costume that fit me anywhere in Gotham…” He stopped and looked Joker and Bob over with a frown as he sighed. “Well now I'm going to stick out like a sore thumb,” he muttered. 

Harley grinned announcing for the benefit of her patients. “Oh, my special orderly Archie has arrived.” 

Archie frowned followed by a shrug. “Sure, whatever.” 

“Orderly Archie, I have to go and give this staff member a special exam…” (Joker giggled at the mention of the word, ‘member.’) She gestured at Joker who grinned at Archie and fluttered his overly long fake eyelashes at the other man. “It’s a very serious swelling condition,” he explained. 

Archie muttered, “Too much information. So what do you want me to do?” 

Harley gestured at the patients with her free hand. “These are all doctors from Arkham. Why don’t you tell them about your issues?” she suggested before turning and walking off with Joker, tugging him by the hand. “I’ll be back in a moment to begin my therapy sessions with the patients.” 

Everyone watched Harley disappear through the door that Joker and the others had used with Joker leaning over to wave and grin through the door before closing it behind him. 

Archie looked at the bound doctors with a critical eye, then at Frost and Bob. “So, they want me to just talk to them?” 

Frost shrugged. “Might as well tell them about your depression while we wait.” 

Archie gave a ghost of a smile. “All right then.” 

* 

The door led into a small hallway area that ran around the outside of the warehouse and led to a couple of offices, two restrooms, and a lounge area with some old furniture and vending machines that had been there long enough that the food and drink inside could be labeled as historic finds. The moment they were in the hall, Joker yanked Harley around and shoved her against the wall, pressing his body against hers. 

His mouth crushed hers the moment he had her pinned, his hands sliding down her hips, fingers digging in slightly. Harley responded by grabbing his hips, slowly pulling up his dress just a little while she returned his kiss with just as much vigor. Harley pulled away from his mouth, catching his bottom lip with her teeth, tugging a little harder than necessary as she pulled away from his mouth. 

Joker groaned and reached around to grab her ass. “I love the way that skirt hugs your ass Dr. Quinzel…” he whispered when she released his bottom lip, tasting a little bit of blood on his tongue, followed by a chuckle as he reached around and patted her backside. “Patty bottom…” he whispered seductively. 

Sliding her hands along his hips Harley purred. “I like the way you fill out your dress too…” She squeezed his ass, causing Joker to growl softly. “But you know Nurse Joker, I do think you have a growth I need to take a look at.” Before Joker could come up with a response, Harley surprised him by grabbing him by his shoulders and spinning him around. Before Joker knew what was happening, Harley had shoved him against the wall. Her blue eyes had a gleeful, wicked gleam to them as she smiled, her hands running down his arms, then down his chest. 

“Now nurse, let’s see what you have hiding under your dress, shall we?” she purred, licking her bottom lip as she slowly lowered herself to her knees. 

His heart thumping hard, Joker watched as Harley positioned herself on her knees, his erection fighting against the confines of his tight dress. 

Gradually Harley ran her hands over his legs. “Mm...I do like your choice of stockings Nurse Joker.” (She knew they were actually a pair of her stockings.) She pressed her teeth into her lower lip, her eyes raked along his legs while she used the tip of her fingers to caress the silk stockings over his legs. Harley loved every inch of her puddin, but his legs were one of her favorite parts. She loved how long and lean his legs were. There was just something about his legs and his thin hips that made the ache in her groin intensify, the firm beat of her heart settling into her clitoris until she was squirming with her own desires. 

Shivering with pleasure at her touch, Joker chuckled. “Only the best for you doctor.” 

Looking up slowly, she gazed at him over the top of her glasses. Her blue eyes held so much heat that Joker could almost feel the warmth of her gaze on his skin. “Well now...let’s see about that swelling...I might have just the cure for it…” She smiled and bit the side of her lip as she gradually lifted Joker’s skirt up, easing the material up and over his hips. She nearly burst out laughing when she saw he was wearing a pair of his satin green and purple striped boxers with his silk stockings and garter belt. 

Joker smiled, sucking his bottom lip in as Harley tugged his boxers down, freeing his erection. He sucked in a breath of pleasure as the cool air brushed over his sensitive skin. 

“Harley,” he groaned when she ran her fingers over his erection in a feather light touch, caressing him with just the tips of her fingers. 

Harley smirked, looking up at him over the top of her glasses and whispered. “Well, I see what the problem is nurse…” She chuckled, the sound sending shivers up his spine. “I have just the therapy for you.” She continued to caress his erection with her fingertips. “You just need to be sucked on a little.” 

Joker shivered with pleasure at the way Harley purred, her voice deep and throaty with lust when she said “sucked.” “Yes doctor...I completely agree.” He grinned down at her, his hands pressed back against the wall behind him. “Think you can take care of it?” he asked with a smile. 

Harley licked her lips, her gaze returning to his erection that started to throb as she caressed him, her fingers sliding along the bottom, then dancing lightly over his balls, making them tighten. “Oh, I think I can suggest several remedies, but let’s start with lathering the swelling with a bit of saliva, then maybe we can progress to burying it in a warm, wet place to help with the swelling.” 

She smirked, her blue eyes dancing with mischief, a gaze that made the lust he felt for her mix deeper with his love for her. 

Harley shifted on her knees a bit, felt the ache that had been slowly growing between her legs intensify as she touched his erection. She loved the soft, satin feel of his skin mixed with how hard he was and the flush of pink in his pale skin. 

Harley looked up at him over the top of her glasses as she wrapped her hand around his erection. She dragged her tongue along the warm, satin tip, making Joker inhale sharply. He groaned, low and deep as he gazed down at her. The sexy glint in her eyes, the glasses, her outfit all had his memories rushing back to their first time together in Arkham, his pretty little doctor. “Harley…” 

Smiling, Harley wrapped her hand around him and circled the head of his erection with her tongue, tasting a drop of his excitement with a smile. She looked up, watching her puddin’s reaction while she took her time, tracing the head of his penis then very gently slid her tongue along the side of him, all while smiling when he groaned and trembled. 

* 

Archie had hopped up onto the exam table near the bound doctors, smoking his cigar as he looked them over. Wolper glanced at Frost and Bob before turning his attention back to Archie. “Look I can pay you--I can pay all of you handsomely to let me go…” He tried to look over to where the other gang members were still engaged in a card game. “I can make all of you rich! I have millions of dollars.” 

“Oh shut the fuck up Bartholomew. You do not have millions of dollars, you tool.” Kellerman sneered at the other man. 

“You shut up Stephen. Just because you’ve never gotten a book deal…” Wolper muttered. 

Archie pulled his cigar out and regarded the doctors with a frown. “So, you guys all head docs that work at Arkham?” 

Meredith nodded. “Yes.” 

“Maybe you guys can help me with something,” Archie suggested in his usual monotone. 

Frost shook his head and smirked. “Here it comes.” 

Archie shot a mild glance over at Frost, holding his cigar between his fingers, but he clearly wasn’t offended as he turned his attention back to the doctors. “Okay, see, I’ve been trying to kill myself, but I keep failing…” 

“Suicide?” Dr. Nigaff asked, which caused Archie to narrow his eyes slightly at the doctor before he muttered, “Wow, you really are a doctor.” He shook his head before he continued. “As I was saying, I’ve been trying to kill myself…” 

“How many times are we talking about?” Kellerman asked, then added quickly. “You said trying, so I assume you’ve tried to end your life on more than one occasion…” 

Frost snorted drawing everyone's attention, but Frost put his hands up shaking his head. “Don’t worry about me...please. Continue Archie…” 

Bob silently chuckled as Archie turned back to the doctors adjusting his position on the exam bed. “Well, there was this one time I tried to cut my own throat…” 

Frost adjusted his stance ready for a long wait. Between the Boss and Miss Quinn getting busy and Archie’s endless suicide stories, he knew it could be a while. Out of the corner of his eye, Frost saw Bob produce a small metal flask from somewhere on his person. The big man held the flask out to Frost who looked at it, opened the top, and took a swig, then nearly choked when he tasted straight vodka. Bob grinned brightly at Frost, who smiled. 

“Thanks Bob,” he said before taking another swig from the flask. 

* 

Joker dropped his head back against the wall with a thunk, his eyes closed as Harley slowly sucked him into her mouth. He shuddered at the feel of her tongue on him, soft and wet, snaking back and forth against the underside of his erection, mixed with the firm pressure of her lips. The warm, slippery feeling of her tongue made him dig his nails into the wall, his legs wobbling slightly on his heels, especially when Harley took a moment to squeeze his balls. 

He moaned her name under his breath. “Harley...” 

Groaning in response as she took him deep into her mouth, Harley gently bobbed her head, relaxing her jaw to take all of him in. She loved the way he felt in her mouth, love the satin soft skin mixed with how hard and firm he was for her, which inspired a pulse of wet heat between her legs. Pressing her lips more firmly against him, alternating her sucking from hard to soft, she smiled when she heard the gasp and deep moan come from her husband. She adjusted her position on her knees, her hands sliding up his thighs, feeling the smooth texture of the stockings he wore while she bobbed her head gently. When she tasted another drop of his excitement as he struggled against her, she moaned, sucking a little more firmly on him. She loved making him weak like this, loved the feel of him in her mouth, the taste of him mixed with the power of having him weak for her. She was the only person who had this power over the Joker. 

Caressing his hips with her hands then, Harley pulled him closer toward her, taking him fully into her mouth, her nose brushing against his skin before she gently dragged her teeth along his length, stopping at the soft head and nibbling gently. 

Joker groaned loudly. “Pumpkin…” He looked down and brushed his fingers along her cheek smiling down at her. “You are so good…” he purred with a grin. 

Harley licked the tip of his penis with a playful smile before she stood up slowly, but gracefully, unlike Joker, Harley kept in character pushing her glasses up her nose. “I think it might be time for the second half of your therapy nurse…” She caressed his jaw when she was on her feet again, Joker impressed with how smoothly Harley could get to her feet in the heels she was wearing. 

“...you need to bury the swelling someplace warm, wet, and dark,” she cooed softly and stepped closer to him, her lips hovering over his while she rubbed the tip of her nose against Joker’s long, sharp nose. One of her hands gently stroked his erection, made him jerk with pleasure. “Someplace pulsing with want...where you can thrust until you feel the swelling burst…” she purred low and sweet. 

Licking his lips Joker whispered back. “Any suggestions doctor?” 

“Oh, I might have one…” She giggled softly. 

* 

“Then there was the time I thought I might electrocute myself, so I stuck a fork into a socket, but all that did was burn my hair…” Archie was on a roll. So far he had recounted in detail about five suicide attempts. 

Dr. Meredith interrupted him, her expression shocked. “Are you serious? You can’t be serious?” 

Archie frowned at her, clearly annoyed at being disrupted. “Why can’t I be?” 

“Because no one could live through all that,” Kellerman answered for her, but Wolper grinned. “You would make a great book. Would you consider letting me interview you and maybe see if we can come up with some possible treatments for your depression?” 

Archie, who had stuck the cigar back into the corner of his mouth even though it was no longer burning, leveled his gaze at Dr. Wolper. “Dude, unless you can come up with a new way that I haven’t tried for me to off myself, I ain’t interested in being your pet project.” 

“Well I might,” Wolper offered. “Have you tried eating yourself to death?” Wolper asked, but Archie nodded. 

“Eating, drinking, drugs...I've tried it all. Now, where was I...Oh yes.” Archie pulled his cigar out of his mouth. “There was the time I tried to shoot myself…” 

Their conversation was disrupted by the sudden sound of a loud bang, as if something had hit a wall really hard, followed by a couple of loud groans. 

Dr. Nigaff jumped, his eyes wide. “What the hell was that” 

Frost sighed with a glance at Bob and Archie before he shrugged. “The Boss and Miss Quinn are ah...working on...something…” 

Archie snorted. “They’re working on putting a hole in the wall it sounds like…” 

* 

Joker slammed Harley up against the wall after yanking her skirt up and nearly cheering with joy when he realized she wasn’t wearing any panties under her skirt, only the garter belt to hold her hose up. He buried himself deep inside her with a low groan that was lost when he pressed his mouth to hers. 

They both let out loud groans as their bodies came together. Harley wrapped her arms around Joker’s shoulders, kissing him hard when he pierced her, sending ripples through her body. He reached down and hooked one of her legs over his forearm, pulling her up a little farther, her back sliding up the wall as he thrust even deeper into her while she balanced on her other leg; the heels she wore making her almost as tall as Joker but not quite. 

They were both panting, their breaths mixing together, their tongues twisting in a breathless kiss while he thrust into her, pressing her body against the wall. Harley held onto him even as the heel from her elevated foot fell off, clattering to the floor as Joker bent his knees to adjust his position so he could reach down and hook his arm under her other leg, lifting her completely off the floor. Harley slid her back against the wall as Joker adjusted his angle and thrust a little harder into his wife. The kitten heels he wore made it a little difficult to keep his balance since they were tinier than the heels he was accustomed to wearing, and with his boxers down, limiting how wide he could hold his legs, their position was a little more difficult. With a slight adjustment to his stance, he was able to keep Harley up and thrust into her, her back sliding up and down the wall with each of his thrusts. 

Groaning loudly Harley ran her fingers through his green hair, knocking his nurses cap off as she kissed him hard. Each thrust vibrated through her entire body. She came quickly with a muffled moan against his mouth, her body tightening around him. 

Joker hissed, thrusting harder still when he felt her body hold tightly to him, the rush of wet heat made him want to be deeper. His legs wobbled a little when he nearly lost his balance on his heels, but when he felt Harley come again, her body wrapping tight around him, he couldn’t stop himself from releasing with a shuddering groan. 

He continued to move, his thrusts slowing down, their kisses softer, more tender as the intensity of the heat between them began to ease until he finally, slowly and gently, put one of her legs down. 

Harley continued to kiss him tenderly, her fingers sliding through his hair as he eased her back to her feet. 

* 

“Then there was the time I tied a rocket to my chest…” Archie continued. Three of the doctors looked on with horrified expressions while Wolper’s face settled on an expression that made it look as if he had just struck gold. 

Archie’s storytelling was interrupted when the door that Joker and Harley had left through opened suddenly and Joker came stumbling out on his heels, wobbling for a few seconds as he tried to walk, put his nurses hat back on, and straighten his dress simultaneously. 

Behind him walked Harley. A few strands of her hair had come loose around her face, her glasses were crooked, and she was trying to walk while putting one of her heels back on and pull her skirt back into place 

Joker grinned, finding his balance, his nurses cap back in place, though several locks of curling green hair were out of place now as he tucked his skirt back into place. 

“Well, how are our patients?” he asked as he came over, stopping long enough for Harley to catch up to him. “I think the doctor is now really ready to see you,” he said with a chuckle. 

Harley stopped, making sure her skirt was in place, brushing the loose strands of hair behind her ears and settled her glasses on her face. “Yes now...let's see...Where is my clipboard?” 

“Here you go Dr. Quinzel.” Frost handed her the clipboard, Harley giving him a smile of thanks as she took it and looked down with a frown. “Let’s see...now I have here that several of you believe in medications over behavioral modification, is that true?” Harley looked over her glasses at the doctors, but none of them answered. Harley narrowed her eyes, looking back at her clipboard before she said, only a slight tone of irritation in her voice. “Why don’t we start with Dr. Nigaff…” 

“I am not going to cooperate!” Nigaff yelled out, struggling in his chair to emphasize his unwillingness to give in to the situation. 

Joker shook his head and tsked. “Now really Dr. Nigaff, is that any way to behave when you’re here for your own good? This wellness clinic is to help you--don’t you want to be helped?” Joker asked, fluttering his eyes until one of his fake lashes fell off. Frowning, Joker reached up and pulled the other lash off, tossing it over his shoulder. 

Nigaff yelled and struggled with more energy, though the straitjacket held tight. “NO!!” 

Joker sighed and turned to Harley. “Dr. Quinzel, should we punish him for being such a bad patient?” 

Harley had pulled the pen off her clipboard and was tapping her lips with it in thought. “Well, the way I see it, we have two options Nurse Joker. We can only punish him, or we could punish the entire class.” 

Joker nodded smiling. “Yes, that is an option...but I don't think we’re such assholes to punish all of them for just one of them being an uncooperative dumbass doctor.” 

Harley grinned at him, her eyes twinkling. “You are quite right, Nurse Joker.” Harley turned a narrow eyed glare at Dr. Nigaff. “Let’s see, aren’t each and every one of you fond of the more out of the date forms of treatment for say, Gotham’s more interesting and colorful villains?” She asked with a tilt of her head, her gaze defying them to say that they didn’t use those methods. 

Nigaff’s mouth opened and closed without saying a word. He looked at his companions for help, but they all looked more guilty than helpful. Meredith quickly looked away while Kellerman frowned. Only Dr. Wolper had any real emotion in his face and that was a mix of unrepentance and something nasty. (Joker narrowed his gaze slightly at Wolper, though the doctor didn’t seem to notice.) 

“I don’t unless nothing else works!” Nigaff protested. He had just used drugs to occasionally make one of the female patients more suggestable, nothing really awful…not really. 

Lifting a brow over her glasses, Harley glanced down at her notes on her clipboard (which were just little drawings of her and Joker, hearts around Joker’s name, stuff that would mostly be found on a high school girl’s notebook), before she looked back at Nigaff. “Says in my notes you like to drug your female patients to try to take advantage of them…” 

Nigaff opened his mouth, but nothing came out. 

Harley grinned, but there was a decidedly nasty edge to her smile when she looked at Dr. Nigaff. “But here at the Ha-Asylum of Laughter, we don’t use those outdated methods to cure someone. We like to try new and more inventive forms of curing people like you normies, methods never tried before, but my nurse and I are sure these methods will be more than effective.” Harley glanced at 

Joker who giggled, winking at her before Harley continued. “But I do have to ask…” 

She walked closer to Nigaff, her heels clicking against the floor until they fell silent on the carpet. “What was the usual treatment for sexual deviants here at the Ha-Asylum Nurse Joker?” 

Joker grinned as he stepped over to stand beside her, a sinister gleam in his eyes. “Why Dr. Quinzel, I believe we used to castrate them didn’t we?” He tilted his head, wrinkling his nose, clearly enjoying himself as Nigaff yelled. “NO! No, no, no, no! I’m not a sexaul deviant!! That’s Wolper!!” 

Wolper growled. “Don’t drag me into your demented shit!” 

Harley chuckled, holding her clipboard against her chest. “Now don't you worry Dr. Nigaff, we don’t do that sort of thing here…not anymore.” Harley motioned and Bob hurried over. “Nurse Bob, would you take Dr. Nigaff over to the ‘Rethinking Area’? And Frost, could you make sure the area is ready?” 

Bob hurried over to Dr. Nigaff who was kicking his feet while yelling and struggling for all he was worth. Frost hurried over and helped Bob unstrap the doctor from his seat. Bob picked the struggling man up and tossed him over his shoulder while Frost walked swiftly ahead of Bob, heading over to a shadowy part of the warehouse while Archie followed slowly behind them all. 

Harley smiled as she and Joker followed behind Bob. “We’re just going to teach you to keep your eyes to yourself.” 

Nigaff lifted his head, but he couldn’t quite see the clowns walking behind him. 

Joker laughed. “We’re just gonna make sure you get a good eyeful!” 

Everyone turned to watch as Frost flipped on some more lights, illuminating another section of the warehouse. The light revealed a chair that looked a great deal like a dentist chair with several straps, an old metal cabinet with wheels, and a television that dated back to the 1990’s with an old fashion VHS player on a shelf under the television. 

Bob dropped Nagiff into the chair and began to strap him down even as he struggled ineffectively in his straitjacket; the captive psychiatrist looked a great deal like he’d been captured and cocooned by a spider. Once he was in the chair, his body strapped down and his forehead strapped back against the chair so that Nigaff could move only his eyes, Harley moved over to the VHS player where a tape was sticking out and waited. 

Joker strolled over to Nigaff, leaning over to grin at the man before he dropped out of sight. When he came back up, Joker was holding a metal device. Nigaff couldn’t tell exactly what it was, but it looked like a metal circle with tiny metal appendages hanging off of it. Nigaff had the sickening feeling in his gut that he didn’t want to find out what the device was. 

Bob hurried over to help Joker and the two men carefully lowered the device onto Nigaff’s head, lifting his head up just enough (despite the strap across his forehead) to slide the device into place. Nigaff started to scream, the sounds reaching a pitch high enough to almost break glass. Joker and Bob moved the appendages over and attached little clamps to Nigaff’s eyelids, forcing the man’s eyes to stay open. 

Joker grinned, leaning over to wave at Nigaff. “There you go doc!” 

Bob had disappeared from Nigaff’s sight for a moment, but the doctor realized something was being positioned over him. He looked (unable to close his eyes even if he wished) to see something up above him. He couldn’t tell what it was, but a few seconds later the first drops of cold water splattered against his forehead. The drops of water slowly eased down over his eyebrows and into his eyes. 

Joker patted the man on the shoulder. “There, now your eyes won’t dry out!” 

Turning to Harley, who was standing ready at the television, Joker announced. “We’re ready for the treatment Dr. Quinzel.” 

Harley grinned. “Good, adjust the chair please.” 

Joker adjusted Nigaff’s chair into a position that allowed him to better see the television while the cold water slowly dripped onto his forehead and flowed into his unblinking eyes. The screen showed white noise for a few seconds before snapping onto a cartoon. The cartoon was a show that Nigaff recalled seeing during his college years, Ren and Stimpy. As the animated show began to play, he realized it was the ‘Happy, Happy, Joy’ song. It became clear within minutes that the Happy, Happy, Joy song scenes from Ren and Stimpy weren’t the only scenes that were going to be played, over and over and over again. Mixed in with the cartoon were flashes of things from Gotham, like Big Belly Burger, images of Batman, the Wayne Tower, and other notable landmarks. 

Between these images were others, quick flashes from crime scenes; violent crimes committed by Gotham’s costumed killers, blood, exploded bodies, victims who had been shot, exposed to Joker’s venom or acid, images of frozen human’s broken into pieces, or bodies that were twisted with thick green vines. There were even images of bodies that hadn’t been found for days, black and bloated, decaying, all while Ren and Stimpy danced on the screen singing Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy... 

After they finished getting Nigaff into position, Joker walked over to stand next to Harley, both of them watching the images and listening to the song for a few moments. 

Archie watched for a few moments before he took his cigar out of his mouth and asked with a curious expression. “You think this would help me commit suicide?” He was standing on Joker’s other side watching the edited video playing. 

Harley shook her head. “As a doctor I would say no--you Archie, are a special case.” 

Archie sighed, his shoulders sagging. “Yeah, thought as much.” He turned and wandered back to the other captives. 

At one point Joker grimaced while the tape played. “Eww, I forgot we included that image from Toymaker’s last massacre.” He shook his head. “That man is sick with no sense of humor.” 

Harley nodded as Nigaff began to scream again. “Yeah, disgusting! Oh Frost, can you put a gag on our patient?” 

Frost nodded. “Sure thing Dr. Quinzel.” Gladly, he thought with pursed lips. 

A few seconds later Nigaff’s screams had been reduced to a muffle. 

“Much better.” Harley giggled as she and Joker walked back over to the others. The three doctors were staring at Joker and Harley in horror. “Now...let’s see…” Harley looked down at her clipboard. “...Dr. Wolper. It says here that you’re a psychologist…” 

At the word psychologist, Archie, who was back to sitting on the exam bed, snorted in derision. 

Dr. Wolper snarled. “Yes I am, and there is nothing…” 

Joker held up a finger. “Shush now, the doctor is speaking…” 

“I’m a doctor too!” Dr. Wolper shouted. “And this is an affront to every…” 

Wolper wasn’t able to finish as Bob and Frost had returned with Frost walking over and without being asked, stuffed a rag deep in Wolper’s mouth. 

Harley looked up from her clipboard. “Thank you Frost. Now where was I? Oh yes, a psychologist. You’re not a real doctor are you then?” 

Wolper struggled while the other two remained quiet, maybe hoping that if they stayed quiet they wouldn’t be noticed by their kidnappers. 

Harley continued ignoring Wolper’s protests. “I think that our patient might need the wheel--what is your opinion Nurse Joker?” She smiled and turned to Joker, wrinkling her nose and blowing him a kiss. 

Joker giggled, touching his chest with his fingers as if he was in shock. “Oh Dr. Quinzel! You want an opinion from little old me?” 

“Yes, of course!” Harley reached over and gave Joker’s rear a light smack, whispering only for his ears. “Patty bottom.” 

Joker chuckled, winking at her. “Well Dr. Quinzel, I think the wheel is a stupendous idea!” 

Harley grinned. “I knew you would! Bob, can you get Wolper here for us?” 

Bob smiled and walked over. Like Nigaff before him, Wolper began to struggle and scream behind his gag. Meredith and Kellerman said nothing, their faces drained of color and they both looked to be in shock as they silently watched Wolper being carried off to another darkened section of the warehouse that within moments was brightly lit as Frost flipped on some lights. 

Standing in the corner was a giant wooden wheel painted with a bright red and white swirls. The edge of the wheel was surrounded by colorful lights that blinked on and off. Bob lifed Wolper up and Frost hurried over while Bob held the struggling man in place, one beefy hand around Wolper’s throat. His other hand held Wolper’s legs down while Frost strapped the man onto the center of the wheel. When the two men were done, they stepped back. 

Wolper looked for all the world like he was trapped in the middle of some twisted looking spider web. He wiggled, struggling against his straitjacket and the straps that were around his shoulders, middle, across his thighs, and across his ankles, though he did little but wiggle in place. He was good and stuck where Bob and Frost had put him, hanging from the middle of the wheel. 

Joker and Harley had followed Bob and Frost over to the wheel, with Archie once more trailing behind them. 

Joker hurried over to the wheel. He winked at Wolper when he was close. 

“You’re just going to love this Barty,” he hissed with a bright smile, waggling his eyebrows as he reached behind the large wooden circle and flipped a switch. The sound of a motor started and a few seconds later the giant wheel Wolper was attached to began to spin, slow at first, but then moved faster and faster. 

Joker laughed. “Oh look Harls!! That worked out far better than I thought!!” 

Harley giggled and clapped. “Oh puddin, it’s wonderful!” 

Hurrying over to her, Joker yelled. “Hey nursing staff, get over here and one of you grab one of those boxes of darts!” 

The hench people dropped their cards and rushed over excitedly (especially since they were all fairly sure none of them were dying tonight.) One of them grabbed a large cardboard box. The one carrying the box set it down in front of Joker who inspected the contents. Inside the box lay hundreds of tiny darts. Each one was homemade, using syringe needles and plastic tubes that were filled with miniscule amounts of bright, neon green liquid. The back ends were adorned with brightly colored feathers that had been dyed either purple and green or red and black. 

Picking one up to inspect it, Joker glanced over at Wolper. The man was spinning quickly, his face having gone pale with a hint of green around the eyes. 

Joker smirked walking over to stand a few feet away from the wheel on a blue “X” that had been placed on the floor with tape. “Now watch darlings, nurse Joker will show you what I want you to do.” 

Joker narrowed his eyes, holding the dart up. He waited, watching the wheel, and then without warning he tossed the dart. The dart flew through the air to thunk into Wolper’s thigh. The man screamed, or at least attempted to scream, but the gag in his mouth muffled the sound. The liquid slowly disappeared from the syringe; something about the way Joker had made the darts allowed the liquid to be pushed through the needle into Wolper’s thigh. 

Joker cursed. “Dammit!” 

He turned and pouted, but Harley came over to him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “I’m sorry puddin, but it was a great throw.” 

“I was aiming for his balls...” Joker stuck his bottom lip out before he sighed. “Oh well. All right nursing staff, have at it! Time to practice giving shots! There are plenty of darts in the other boxes--let’s teach Dr. Wolper not to be such a prick!” 

The hench people cheered and swarmed the box with a few of them quickly gathering the other boxes--another four in total--each one filled to the brim with darts. 

Joker smiled at Harley. “Look at them pumpkin, so happy.” 

Harley giggled. “Yeah, like kids at Christmas.” 

“Now, who’s next Dr. Quinzel?” Joker asked, lifting a green brow and looking down at Harley’s clipboard. 

Giggling Harley looked down at her clipboard too, picked up her pen and wrote for Joker on the paper while she pretended to be looking at a list of patients, ‘I recommend you have a session with me after this that will require you to be strapped down.’ “Oh, it’s Dr. Meredith!” she exclaimed when she was finished writing. Joker smiled at her, his eyes glittering with excitement at the prospect of getting home later. 

Dr. Meredith heard them call her name and started to panic. “NO, NO, NO!!” 

“So Dr. Quinzel, what is the treatment for...what does she have?” he asked as they made their way back to their remaining two patients. 

“Mm...my notes say she’s suffering from pompousassius syndrome with a dash of thinkingshesbetterthaneveryoneitis,” Harley announced as they stopped in front of Dr. Meredith. “The treatment for such a horrible disease is humility, which requires…” Harley looked down at her clipboard then announced with a vicious grin. “...that she be shaved bald and given doses of nitrous oxide for the next...” Harley once more looked down at her notes. “...well..for as long as it takes.” 

Joker snickered, giving Harley a salute. “As the doctor orders!” 

Meredith began to yell and, like the others, was soon gagged by Frost while Joker hurried on his kitten heels to a corner just past where Wolper was being peppered with darts. He came back a little slower carrying two metal tanks, painted with smiles on them, one in each arm, a gas mask tossed over his shoulder. Bob hurried over to help Joker with the tanks, which they carried over to Dr. Meredith who struggled with futility in her chair. 

While Joker was retrieving the tanks, Harley had snagged one of the goons, a clown who had just joined their little gang at the beginning of the new year. The man was named Snoots, who had a mild drug and alcohol problem, which made his hands shake all the time. 

“Now Nurse Snoots, I have a job for you…” Harley motioned the clown to follow her while Frost hurried through the door that Harley had come through earlier, returning with a can of shaving cream and a straight razor. 

“Yes Miss Qu…” Harley glared at Snoots who quickly corrected himself. “Dr. Quinzel.” 

“Better. Now, Nurse Snoots, I need you to shave this patient’s head.” Harley pointed at Dr. Meredith who was struggling while Joker and Bob set up her tanks and the gas mask over her gagged mouth. “You think you can do that Snoots?” 

Snoots, his hands shaking noticeably, nodded with enthusiasm. “Anything you say Dr. Quinzel.” 

Harley patted Snoots on the back. “Good boy. Now you get to work and when you’re done, you can join the others again in dart throwing, okay?” 

Snoots gave a shaky salute. “Yes ma’am, Dr. Quinzel.” 

Once Joker and Bob were finished, Snoots hurried over and sprayed the top of Dr. Meredith’s head, holding the straight razor up with a shaking hand. 

“Dr. Quinzel, we only have one patient left!” Joker gasped in shock just as Snoots called out. “Ah...Dr. Quinzel...I think I accidentally shaved off an eyebrow.” 

Harley looked around Joker to Snoots who asked with a frown. “Should I shave the other one too?” 

“Nah,” Harley said, with Joker adding. “Symmetry is overrated anyway.” 

Harley giggled and motioned with her hand. “Don’t worry about it Snoots.” 

Snoots nodded and went back to work as Harley called out. “Bob, Archie--can you two bring Dr. Kellerman over there?” She pointed at the other end of the warehouse where Frost had already gone to turn the lights on. Archie jumped down from his position on the exam table with a frown. “What am I supposed to do? Carry his feet?” 

Bob silently chuckled as he picked up a screaming Dr. Kellerman, chair and all with Archie following behind, heading over to where Frost was busy on a step ladder adjusting what looked like a noose. 

Kellerman screamed bloody murder. “HELP!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!” 

“Oh now, Dr. Kellerman, really? Is that sort of yelling necessary?” Joker shook his head. “What happened to having a little dignity?” He looked over at Harley with a frown. “I really worry about the medical profession.” 

Harley nodded sagely. “Me too, which is one of the reasons I left to become a super criminal...that and some sexy clown with a great penis.” She giggled and winked at Joker who grinned turning to Frost. “Hear that Frosty? I have a great penis!” 

Frost finished with his rope and was climbing down the ladder. “I did Boss.” 

Archie rolled his eyes, but made no comment as Bob sat Kellerman down under the noose. 

“All right…” Harley looked at her non-existent list of treatments. “You, Dr. Kellerman, suffer from...let’s see...Oh. You also suffer from the same diseases as our Dr. Meredith.” She tsked and shook her head. “But I think we’ll try a slightly different treatment for you...Nurse Bob, please hang the patient.” 

Kellerman went ballistic, he began to fight and struggle so much against his bonds that he and his chair toppled over, but as with the other three, it did no good as Bob simply untied him from the chair and lifted him up, ignoring the kicking of Kellerman’s feet as he turned and climbed the ladder. Frost came over to stand under the noose as Bob flipped Kellerman over, wrapping the noose around the doctor’s ankles. Once Kellerman was hanging upside down, Joker walked over to where he’d left a tank of his own special blend of Joker venom with its own gas mask. It took him, Frost, and Bob a few minutes to get the tank attached upside down to a struggling Kellerman, who kept twisting about until he was spinning around, but with Bob holding the man steady, they all eventually had him hooked up with the gas mask over his nose and mouth, the tanks strapped to his back. 

Panting a little from struggling with the man, Joker giggled. “He looks like a fish on a hook! Look at him spin!” 

Archie was standing under Dr. Kellerman with a quizzical expression on his painted face before he asked. “Can you die hanging upside down?” 

Frost shook his head. “It’ll take too long Archie.” 

Archie sighed. “Course it would…” 

Harley giggled watching as Kellerman began to suck up the gas, his skin turning pale white, and his eyes beginning to bug. “He looks like one of his big-eyed goldfish...yuck!” 

Joker sighed as he put his arm around Harley’s waist. “Well, I think we’re done for the night, don’t you doctor?” 

Harley giggled and nodded. “Yes, I think the Ha-Asylum was a success. Those four--if they live--will be cured of their normie perspective...though I’m not sure if they’ll get to practice at Arkham after tonight...might become residents instead.” She snickered, then tossed her clipboard over her shoulder to land with a loud clatter on the floor, and put her arm around Joker’s shoulders. 

Joker grinned, then surprised Harley as he bent down and grabbed her, lifting her off her feet to carry her out of the warehouse bridal-style. 

Laughing with pleasure, Harley asked, “So puddin, what are we going to do tomorrow night?” 

“Same thing we do every other night Pumpkin! Stick it to the Batboob!!” 

Their laughter echoed through the warehouse as Joker carried Harley away.


End file.
